The past few days have been crazy because I have been thinking about what modules to take and how to bid etc. Not to mention getting in some driving lessons here and there because while I am at camp I won't be going for driving lessons most probably which is kinda scary.
I should probably start packing for camp tomorrow but I am frankly just so lazy to do anything today. I don't even feel like going for camp but I paid money for it and it would be such a waste if I skip it. I guess I have just been rather down about the whole start-of-uni thing because I keep thinking about how absolutely horrid J1 was. I keep telling myself to be open and willing to have fun with new people but frankly I keep obsessing about how I may not be able to get along with these new ppl and become a loner again. I think I actually like peace and quiet these days. I am happy being alone I think. I actually get really stressed when I have to meet and be forced to spend hours with random people. I keep thinking negative thoughts.
I actually wanted to go to residential college and was very excited about it but now that I actually have an offer from angsana I feel doubtful over whether I actually want to do it. I remember In j1 i would rush to go home cuz although things were bad in school I had parents that cared. Sometimes You just want someone to genuinely be there for you and parents always play that role no matter what. However, I would love the freedom and ability to navigate life on my own.
I really don't know why I am so down ;( I am starting orientation tomorrow! I SHOULD BE ALL HYPED UP AND HAPPY but nope I am dreading tomorrow and I just don't feel up for it. ARGH what is wrong with me.
I need to be positive! its the start of a new life! its something good! I need to be cheerful and try to build up that old confidence and heck care attitute I used to have! THE RUBINI I used to be in crescent. I used to be able to go anywhere and talk to anyone making them laugh and have a good time. Heck even in sgh , I made good friends like katheryn and had such a good time. I felt like the old me is back. I just need to stop thinking of what other's think of me and stop judging people even before I get to know them proper.
I need a personal mantra for a tough week ahead -
just keep going rubi!
keep trying to bond rubi!
find people that you are instinctively drawn to!
stop negative thoughts!
if all fails just smile ;)
Urgh yupp I will be back on wednesday night which is when I get to return home for a night before returning (hopefully) for 2 more days in camp.
Thats it, I am going so might as well make the most of it!
im gonna fake it till i make it man!
