LOVE and such...

I cannot say that Ive truly truly been in love in my life. The relationships ended briefly and each time I got hurt worse.

I am scared of the strong emotions that is involved in loving someone. Hate and obsession at the same time. The feeling of being unable to sleep or wake up because you are thinking of that one person. The insecurities it brings up especially if you happen to be overweight. OH u fat girls out there know what I am talking about. The 'oh he wont like me... im fat' or 'I am funny and smart but it doesnt matter because I am not attractive' or ' I wish I was skinny cuz I have a pretty face.' Yeah those sucky thoughts in your head once you see a crush round the corner. Been There Done That.

Right now I feel like I want someone special too. Maybe I miss the attention or maybe I want some stability and trust somewhere other than my family . However, I am scared that there isn't anyone that could possibly put up with my lame jokes and just well ME. I am scared that no one is gonna look past the happy face and see that I am way more complex compared to the clowny happy-go-lucky-shell. Someone who understands my work ethic and easy going nature.

I don't want a boyfriend... I want a best friend and everything ALL in one. Dont get me wrong , I AM NOT DESPERATE but merely envious of what some other people have and take for granted. I see how some of my girl friends treat their bf's and omg sometimes I feel like slapping some sense into them. Then I see some boys with gorgeous dedicated girlfriends and they blatantly cheat on them. The girls live in their own fantasies while everybody knows their bfs are cheating around and flirting knowingly or unknowingly. PITY THEM.


So understandably I am terrified of exploring that side of fast approaching adulthood. No longer want those stupid 6 mth relationships and just dating for that 'in a relationship' fb status or attention. There comes a point in your life that you start wanting something real. Something precious and valuable.
I just gotta go on living my life constantly self assured that I am a funny intelligent young girl with tons of potential and much to offer. I am surely not perfect but honey there aint anything wrong with that.

PS; girls! guys! attention all of yall stuck in ailing relationships with cheating flirting other halves.
1) self confidence... u need it...
2) END IT... sometimes love is just isnt good enough anymore
3) Its gonna hurt and sometimes the fear keeps us from doing what we know is the right thing

ok ending the water fast and moving onto a better lifestyle.

I just went on a grocery haul and I got so many healthy foodstuff and snacks to tide me over the new week ;) Time to get back on properly this time round. I know I seem to keep trying to stay on the wagon but times have been tough and finally things are looking positive again.

BACK once more.

weight loss is a journey that requires full on commitment and not half hearted attempts. It requires some peace of mind and a supportive environment. Its about sacrifice to create time to boost your health.

Right now I feel like I am not at a place where I can totally get into it because of all the drama in my life recently but I have had it. I need to put myself and my health first or its gonna be the same depressed and binging me again.

The fact that I have a tiring job also does not help things at all and I am way too physically tired to exercise after work which just sucks. How am I supposed to go for a run or smth when I can barely stand on the MRT going home.

Someone suggested yoga  in some previous comments and actually I think this would be a good time to explore that.

HELL y not just go on a 3 day detox and clear my system of all the junk Ive been putting in it for the past 2 weeks. YUPP i think I should do it.

Everybody is shady in this family. Don't you dare hide grandma!

I have been on a mini hiatus thanks to an excessively tiring job as a pharmacy assistant which is basically just packing medicine all day! I am really getting bored now and everyday I seem to be watching the clock. Its a nice place full of really understanding people that I like working with...really! Its just the intellectually numbing work that I have to do that is a turnoff. Not to mention the whole day on your feet gives you unsightly vericose veins and I get really grumpy when the pain gets really bad as I limp home.

Today I took mc due to really bad cough and sore throat and I have to say that my family is shady. In one day I realised that nobody is trustworthy and everybody here is a moron! My brother is mentally off and my mum and dad barely speak to each other. I would not call it a marriage if you are relieved to not see each other everyday. Needless to say I am always the bad person no matter what and I get dragged into the middle of everything and then get scolded for not just focusing on myself cuz I am a kid. ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME!

Really, the only way my life could get any worse is if I fail my A levels. YUPP then I can go back into full blown depression because then I will officially have nothing left. So yes this blog is going to be on hiatus for a while because I don't want it to turn it into just a place for my ranting. This is supposed to be a place of happy positive thoughts and support. Just that live is never going to be just happy thoughts.

EXHAUSTION!

I am just so tired beyond words. Today was one of the most painful and tiring days of my life. I was utterly miserable because I sprained my ankle early in the morning and suffered all the way till 5.30 when i ended work. If i had a desk job its fine but i work in a pharmacy constantly running about and doing stuff so it was torture to the max. I cant wait for the weekend!!!
( tomorrow i will be blasting rihanna and singing 'cheers to the friggin weekend')