LOVE and such...

I cannot say that Ive truly truly been in love in my life. The relationships ended briefly and each time I got hurt worse.

I am scared of the strong emotions that is involved in loving someone. Hate and obsession at the same time. The feeling of being unable to sleep or wake up because you are thinking of that one person. The insecurities it brings up especially if you happen to be overweight. OH u fat girls out there know what I am talking about. The 'oh he wont like me... im fat' or 'I am funny and smart but it doesnt matter because I am not attractive' or ' I wish I was skinny cuz I have a pretty face.' Yeah those sucky thoughts in your head once you see a crush round the corner. Been There Done That.

Right now I feel like I want someone special too. Maybe I miss the attention or maybe I want some stability and trust somewhere other than my family . However, I am scared that there isn't anyone that could possibly put up with my lame jokes and just well ME. I am scared that no one is gonna look past the happy face and see that I am way more complex compared to the clowny happy-go-lucky-shell. Someone who understands my work ethic and easy going nature.

I don't want a boyfriend... I want a best friend and everything ALL in one. Dont get me wrong , I AM NOT DESPERATE but merely envious of what some other people have and take for granted. I see how some of my girl friends treat their bf's and omg sometimes I feel like slapping some sense into them. Then I see some boys with gorgeous dedicated girlfriends and they blatantly cheat on them. The girls live in their own fantasies while everybody knows their bfs are cheating around and flirting knowingly or unknowingly. PITY THEM.


So understandably I am terrified of exploring that side of fast approaching adulthood. No longer want those stupid 6 mth relationships and just dating for that 'in a relationship' fb status or attention. There comes a point in your life that you start wanting something real. Something precious and valuable.
I just gotta go on living my life constantly self assured that I am a funny intelligent young girl with tons of potential and much to offer. I am surely not perfect but honey there aint anything wrong with that.

PS; girls! guys! attention all of yall stuck in ailing relationships with cheating flirting other halves.
1) self confidence... u need it...
2) END IT... sometimes love is just isnt good enough anymore
3) Its gonna hurt and sometimes the fear keeps us from doing what we know is the right thing