I went for my JC class reunion yesterday and it kinda brought back all those little insecurities I had. Firstly, I had to walk through the entire botanic gardens to the other exit to meet my ex classmates ( a 45 minute brisk walk in hot humid weather) and ended up looking all unglam and sweaty . My hair was all frizzy and I looked like a hot mess. My classmates however, looked fresh and happy. (and skinny)
I just felt uncomfortable and actually just wanted to get home ASAP and take a cold shower. Lets just say it was not the best saturday morning I have had. When I got home I was anxious and insecure - a hot mess. I had a binge episode... yupp totally did. Today I woke up and weighed myself and after a whole week of eating right and exercise I actually managed to gain weight ;( I was 65.9kg on monday went down to 65.6 on wednesday, went up to 65.9 on friday and today I am 66.5kg. I GAINED 0.6KG after doing everything right the whole week. I have no idea if its just pms water weight or real weight or what anymore. I am so frustrated and just feel like a failure.
Its like whats the friggin point? I might as well eat junk and not exercise and gain weight rather than eat well and exercise and just gain weight. Its hard keeping positive when you dont see any results of hard work. Maybe I am just supposed to be a fucking whale. I just wanna lock myself in my room and not go out anywhere and let people see a whale like me. I don't wanna go to uni orientation and stuff and have to deal with people judging a fat whale like me with a huge belly and batwing arms and jiggly thighs. ;( seriously feel like shit right now ;(
Its funny how my entire day and mood is dependant on the numbers on a friggin weighing scale.
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