Ok so after about 2 weeks of fairly healthy eating , today I ate an entire family sized bag of lays potato chips. In case anyone's wondering thats more than 1200 calories in less than 30 minutes. I wasn't even hungry. I was bored but I was not hungry. I woke up at 3pm today ( late night) ate a small packet of chicken rice for lunch - 500 calories and had homemade minestrone soup with some cheese toppings for dinner - 400-500 calories. So all things constant, good enough weekend day.
Then, mum bought a packet of lays - I actually asked her to because I was craving something salty and crisp. I ate about 1/3 of the bag and put the rest away. Somehow ended up eating the rest as well. I feel so disgusting. I actually attempted to purge it all out despite knowing its probably sooo bad. I now know what drives bulimics. Its a sense of lonely desperation. Maybe even abit of panic after a binge. Till today I only dealt with binges but today I tried to purge as well. I feel so bloated and disgusting. I know tomorrow I will wake up and all the sodium in the bag of chips will cause me to put on at least 1 kg of pure water weight. I know my face will flare up and tons of new pimples will stare back at me as I look into the mirror . Great, totally what I needed a couple of days before going for orientation camp. ;(
I think I just undid everything I did to be healthy so far. I am mad that I just cannot stick to anything. I am a freaking FAILURE.
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