Weight loss on hold once more.

I feel vulnerable and upset. Family issues have made me so mentally weak and stressed out. Looking at my parents, I really cannot believe that true love exists and happy marriages exist. My mother says that she wants me to be settled down by 27 or something like that and I often look at her and say 'y? so that I can also experience the same unhappiness that you did?'

Whats the point of being in a relationship anyways? Is it cause we innately need someone by our side? Is it just a purely sexual need? Is it the need to 'own' somebody and belong to somebody? Why is the notion of a relationship so glamorized and desirable?

I mean how is it that people can fall for each other at the same time? You mean love just happens or does it grow on you slowly and then you just realise its inevitable. I have honestly never been in love. I have had a few so called flings with some guys in secondary school when I was still discovering who I was and what I wanted but it wasn't something true. It was driven by peer pressure and the excitement that comes with the attention. I really liked the attention actually. Made me feel pretty and loved which is awesome for a girl that had been dealing with weight and body issues since she was a child.Obviously these short lived relationships fizzled out eventually as I grew up and gained confidence because they were not fulfilling or mature. I don't regret these experiences though, they were an important part of my early teens and I cherish some of the special moments but I would not label it love. It was just infatuations and a need for attention. I would like to think that I am beyond that stage in my life right now.

Right now, I am rather cynical when it comes to love and boys. I look around at my friends and actually most are happily single. I feel no pressure to date or 'find' someone. Yeah but I am not immune from falling for people , thats just natural. However, I know I am not ready to fully embrace and allow someone else into my life. Maybe one day I will be and maybe I won't but thats something I will never know for sure.