Disappointment.

I have always struggled with not being good enough.
Not having any drive to be the best or even the top few in anything.
I have always felt that being happy is all that mattered and I shouldn't try to be something I am not or do something that is not something I want to do. 
Maybe that mindset is wrong. Maybe I should just work towards what ppl think I should work towards. Maybe my goal should be all As and a  scholarship etc. 
However, it has never been what I want. I am ok with being mediocre. I am fine with getting grades that aren't fantastic but aren't bad either. I am happy not even trying for a scholarship and just taking things easy. 

Then Y do I feel such jealousy at other people's success and achievements?  Is it because I actually want to excel but I know I can never be good at anything to the point where people notice. Do i stop myself from even trying because I know I will just fail and get hurt again? I am actually not sure but Its something to think about.